trying to "make it"

Okay, so I'm too old now, I've come to accept this. And I've given in and gotten a real job (which frankly, has made me a lot happier, not to mention since this new one is 9 to 5 so it actually gives me more time to work on music), but does that really mean I have to quit trying? I have two musician friends who have actually pretty much quit this past year, and I'm appalled, and disheartened, but not enough to let it suck me in. In fact, I don't think I know how to stop. Isn't it supposed to be something that just comes out of you anyway? And I don't just mean the songs; I mean the desire to share them with others. I suppose that as long as I have a band that does occasionally play shows, I might just be okay with that. Given the current state of the music industry, it's impossible to expect any label to show interest unless you're regularly bringing in a crowd, (my feeble cries of that lovely phrase "artist development" would certainly fall on deaf ears nowadays), so there's hardly a point. Besides, in the world of indie rock, if you're regularly bringing in a crowd, you probably don't need a label.

Sure, I may slack off sometimes and work more on writing stories than songs, but I always seem to come back to it. And because I kept looking for musicians all this time, I do now have two who are not only good musicians but also pretty cool guys. And I have my cd I recorded, so I'll be damned if I'm not going to send it out. At the very least, it has bumped up the number of plays on our various profiles. I have an ex-boyfriend who thought that if he got a decent job, he was giving up on trying to make it as a musician (although he would've said Artist, with a capital A, which makes me sick), even though he wasn't even trying very hard to make it as a musician. And I have a friend whose boyfriend is struggling with finally getting a full time job, because he believes it means giving up on being a writer. People, who is telling you these things? Full time does not mean 24/7. You go home and you eat, and you chill for a bit, and then...you work on your music/art/writing. All night if you need to - that's what coffee's for. Then you work on it on the weekend. It's not rocket science.

For me, it even gives that extra sense of urgency. That tension that helps me create. When I worked crappy retail jobs and had my random portions of the day off during the week, I tended to do nothing.

But of course, there's also the fear that if we're comfortable because of our (slightly) fatter paychecks, then we won't have enough misery to write about. I have to laugh at this, because, honestly, we "Artists" couldn't avoid misery if we tried.